Why Waiting Until You Feel “Ready” Is Keeping You Stuck

ByThe Becoming Herd

When I was 13 years old, I went with some other young girls in my church on a trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. While we were there, we went cliff jumping off a massive, 100-foot wall into a lake. (Ok so maybe it wasn’t 100 feet, but it felt that way to me!!) However, I’ve never been one to shy away from heights OR from a challenge. So, I clambered my way up that cliff right behind the oldest girls in the group.

As we crested the top, I remember catching my breath in awe at the beautiful landscape. The lake stretched on forever, seeming to sparkle in response to the sun’s rays. Birds were flying around our heads, chirping and calling to one another. It felt as though I was on top of the world.

Then I made that fatal mistake.

I looked down.

I could feel my heart rate increasing, my palms grew sweaty, and my vision began to blur. The water was so so soooo far away! I knew without a doubt in my mind that if I jumped of this edge, I would hit that water and would not be getting back up. ZERO. DOUBTS.

Thus, I sat at the top of the rock, too scared to jump off, and too embarrassed to climb back down. I watched as person after person made the ascent, then leaped off the edge screaming with joy.

After what seemed like ages of feeling paralyzed, one of the older girls from our group reached the top again for what had to be her third or fourth jump. She paused before heading to the leaping point, coming over to me.

“Hey, are you okay? You’ve been sitting up here for a while.”

I curled in on myself from where I was sitting and replied in fake bravado, “Yeah I’m good. Just waiting until I feel 100% ready before I jump off.”

To which she responded with something I have never forgotten:

“Girl, if I waited until I felt 100% ready to leap, then I’d be waiting my entire life.”

Waiting to start until…

Why do we do this to ourselves? We women are excellent at saying I’ll commit to my fitness plan when my job slows down. I’ll be ready for kids as soon as I turn 32. I’ll quit my work and go back to school to do what I actually want once I’ve saved enough money.

Don’t tell me you’ve never had one of these thoughts before, I know you have.

Being completely honest, I think they’re entirely valid thoughts. Goodness knows I’m a planner. I’ve planned out every aspect and step of my life.

But at what point does planning turn into waiting our lives away. Just like the girl in Wyoming said, we end up watching life pass us by as we anticipate the perfect moment to begin.

All the voices tell you to stay exactly where you are

I’m really not quite sure how these societal messages began, or even where they’re coming from now. Perhaps I’m not quite old enough to know, I’ve been a bit too sheltered, or I just keep my head buried too far in the sand. All could be true honestly.

Although I can’t say I know where these messages come from, I can say wholeheartedly in my own experience that I regularly fall prey to feeling as though I can’t begin something new unless…

  • I’m prepared enough.
  • Confident enough.
  • Qualified enough.
  • I am enough.

Do you feel that? Like you can’t begin on the journey to becoming who you want to be unless all the other pieces are already in place?

It’s exhausting all the waiting, isn’t it.

Helping others hold their burdens

If you’ve read any of the intro pieces of the website or checked out our super impressive Pinterest page, then you know I’m in graduate school. My second and final year to be exact!

I’m working to earn my MSW, my master’s in social work. I want to be a therapist.

When I was a freshman in high school, my mom came home from work one evening and told me about the idea of incorporating equines into psychotherapy. From that moment I was hooked. I knew without a doubt, that was my future.

If you know anything about counseling degrees, you’re typically required to complete an internship of 500+ hours alongside your coursework each academic year. In a student’s concentration year (their final year in the program) they are often encouraged to find a placement where they can act as a clinical therapist under the supervision of a licensed clinician. This is to help students begin learning in a hands-on setting.

Well, fast forward to this past September.

Picture this: It’s my second week at this new internship. I’m sitting on the floor of the office I was assigned, hugging my knees to my chest. My first client, a teenage girl, is on the other side of the closed door waiting to meet her new therapist.

It feels as though I’m on top of the cliff again looking down at the water miles away. My heart is racing. My hands are so sweaty they keep slipping off my shins. My vision is blurring to the point of being unable to distinguish the door from the wall.

The thoughts are unbearable. Who in the WORLD am I to help shoulder this girl’s burdens? She’s coming here for professional help for her very real problems, and instead she’s getting me! An unqualified, shouldn’t be legal, barely knows how to help myself much less someone else, twenty-something student.

I should have prepared more, studied more, roleplayed more! I should have waited to take on clients until I was graduated and at least had my degree under my belt!

Imposter syndrome is no joke let me tell you.

We know that when we are stressed, our fight or flight system becomes activated. Every single particle of my being was urging me to flee at that moment….And I genuinely wanted to. I was so scared.

But if I had waited for the fear to leave, for that imaginary perfect moment, until I had felt 100% ready, then I would have stayed curled up in that ball on the floor forever.

Turns out that teenage girl was just as nervous as I was. Now, she’s one of my easiest clients to work with and I’ve learned so much from her that I never would’ve learned if I hadn’t gotten off that floor and opened the door.

(And if you want to know an extra secret: None of my other first sessions have been anywhere near as terrifying. Nothing is as scary after you conquer it for the first time).

Becoming

The reality is folks, clarity and confidence do not precede action, they are the RESULTS of action.

You don’t need approval or perfection from anyone else or in any way before you begin that journey you’ve been continually pushing off. You just need permission from yourself to take the first step, and trust that you’ll figure it out as you go.

Becoming is NOT:

  • Having a plan
  • Knowing the outcome
  • Being perfect
  • Waiting for certainty.

Becoming IS:

  • Stepping into the unknown
  • Trusting the process
  • Starting small
  • Moving forward imperfectly
  • Acting before confidence arrives

So, what is it you’ve been waiting for? Are you wanting to go back to school? Have a kid? Write a book? Start a blog? Subscribe to my blog?? I really hope it’s that last one;).

All jokes aside, what’s the first step? Do you tour a college? Do you get off birth control? Do you set aside time to write every day? Whatever it may be, go do it!!

Then, when those voices tell you to wait, to put your dreams aside, to bring this up when things have calmed down, you tell them to shut up.

And you begin anyway. We’ll figure it out together.

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