What Happens When You Lose Momentum (And How to Start Again)
Six months ago, I had this newfound ambition: I was going to start a blog. I wanted to use it mainly to record my own journey, but also to connect with other like-minded individuals and women.
My goal was two blog posts a month.
That lasted for one month. Whoops.
Turns out when life hits you upside the head, the first thing to get sacrificed is the blog that you started up just a few weeks earlier.
However, becoming isn’t linear. There are ups and downs constantly.
So here I am, hitting restart. Or perhaps unpause? (Editor says that isn’t a word. But according to the How I Met Your Mother episode I just watched, Marshall and Lily think it is and thus so do I).
Anyway, backtrack to December when I’m chugging away at my new goal and feeling good about the pace I’m setting.
Then…BOOM. Massive, life-altering change knocks me off a cliff.
I spend three months in survival mode just doing my best to get the day-to-day tasks done. Writing blog posts is so far in the distance it looks like a dot. Slowly, I climb my way back up the cliff.
Then 10 days ago…BOOM. Second massive, life-altering change sends me flying all over again.
This time, it’s a little different.
This time, I don’t want to crawl back up alone.
This time, I don’t want to feel like I’m losing myself in the process.
I’m sure we’ve all been in this place before. You know, the one where you feel like you just fell backwards and you’re staring at the cliff face coming up with all of the reasons why this one little goal isn’t that important. You tell yourself there’s time for it later, who does it really impact if you don’t continue?
One tip they give to baby clinicians as they begin working with clients is to ‘not be afraid to sit in the uncomfortable.’
In other words, it’s okay to hang out at the bottom of the cliff for a bit.
As humans, we are naturally deterred by negative emotions.
We run away from pain. From discomfort.
Thus, when someone is experiencing failure, loss, grief, sorrow, or anything within that spectrum, our natural inclination is to want those feelings to go away. We jump straight to problem solving.
- “What can I do to help?”
- “It’s okay, it won’t last forever!”
- “Tomorrow is a new day.”
While all technically true, we’re taught as clinicians that jumping too quickly into problem-solving can leave the emotions feeling invalidated. Thus, making it harder to move forward in a meaningful way.
So, let’s sit with the feelings.
If you’ve ever stepped foot in a therapist’s office before, it’s highly likely you’ve seen a pillow or picture or something with an image such as this one!
This is the bread and butter of therapeutic beginnings. The brief point being that until you can correctly identify whatever emotions you are experiencing, you cannot accurately process them.
Five months ago, I was initially hit with excitement, which unfortunately quickly shifted into visceral isolation, anguish, and utter powerlessness. Any ideas as to what occurred? Don’t worry, I’ll tell you someday.
Those feelings came in waves for months.
I can’t tell you how many times I told myself to just “get over it.”
How often I felt like a failure for not handling things better.
The frequency in which I compared myself to other women who seemed to be doing it all.
The resentment I experienced for letting me down.
One of my absolute favorite sayings in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is this:
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
And while I’d love to say I instantly chose not to suffer…That’s not how it works.
So, what happens when you lose momentum?
Well, you fall.
And it sucks.
And you live in the suck for a bit.
Take the time and the space that you need to validate those emotions. To sit with the disappointment. To recognize that as much as the isolation hurts, if you keep breathing and keep waking up, there are moments where it starts to ease.
Step back from the blog. Step back from overworking yourself. Step back from meeting everyone’s expectations. Step back from everything you possibly can. Just be.
Then eventually, the moment comes when you feel it.
A small spark.
A flicker of energy.
A quiet thought: maybe I can try again.
And when that happens – you don’t ignore it.
You follow it.
Here is my obviously foolproof and perfect plan for getting momentum back (lol jk about foolproof, but it does actually work!):
- Make a plan of action
- Follow plan of action
- If steps 1 and 2 don’t pan out, then re-evaluate plan and try again.
- Remember WHY
- Ask for support – BE SPECIFIC, exactly how/when/why do I need their help?
- Give myself grace. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about becoming.
For me, this looked like starting small.
Reintroducing habits that had fallen to the wayside during survival time. Exercising, reading, spending time outside. Week by week, those small things added up.
Were there setbacks? Days where I felt worse all over again? Of course.
There still are.
When those moments happen, I revisit step 3. I make an even simpler plan moving forward.
And I know what you’re thinking, this is too simple already! And honestly? You’re right, it is.
But we tend to overcomplicate things to the point where we never start.
If we just began, we wouldn’t have time to talk ourselves out of it.
So, if you’ve lost momentum lately…You’re not alone.
And you’re not behind.
You’re just in a season. A phase. A time of life.
And seasons change. Phases are outgrown. And time passes.
If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear – what’s something you’re starting again? What’s the thing you’ve lost momentum on and are looking for support to unpause? Reach out, we’re in this together.
